the universe is made of stories .. not atoms.. (forgot who wrote that)

always write about love...

writing a story is like creating a whole life...
you get to chose the names of your characters.. my favorite names are jashn and dua!!
why doesn't it rain everyday???... but in my story it can... you'll always find answers... make up your own answers...the story is not about raising more questions... no.. not this time...

when i write a story.. i feel like i am being watched from above... at the same time.. i am watching my hand move and paint the sky black...i used to ask when i was a child..no! i never asked.. i always wanted to but i never did... whether the sky blue or black...

the story is about love... unrequited love... changing.. languishing..
love.. is love.. till its not found...

Its funny how my eyes always find him.... amidst the crowd... always
i was watching him again today laughing like a child... that he is...
dancing like the red top ... that I used to spin when i was three...
when i see him free...spirited...alive...living every moment of his life
i become a child again .... watching the magician transform a piece of cloth into a white bird ... the bird which always flew away... into the sky...
wanting to trade places with the magician or even the bird...

When i was a child .. i used to draw hearts.. now i dont
when i was a child... i used to easily cry when hurt... now i cant
when i was a child i didnt play the games that other children played...
now i want to... but there is noone to play with...

post conventional stage of morality according to Kohlberg was one in which people begin to think beyond the conventions, society - created moral rules, and form their own sense of morality based on intentions, circumstances, obscure principles.
And he also said.. very few people reach that stage...
i feel he is concluding in some way (or maybe i am being judgemental) that conventions are traditional hence regressive hence need to be changed..
being non conformist... being "unconventional" ... being rebellious.. is being young..

however
I remember my grandmother reading out "panchatantra "stories to me... and i remember learning from them...

why do all people find indian psychology too vague to even try reading it.... and will go ahead and religiously read and quote nietzsche and sartre...

there is something wrong with the way we judge things ...
there is something wrong with what we think is right..
there is something wrong with the way we look down upon people who dont know english too well..

careless memories....

remembrance of the things past...
another coincidence.. or maybe not!
another insipient musing...
another casual encounter with someone familiar...
another solicitation by time.... memories unwind.

another face .. I still recognise
though the contours have changed...
his smile still curling beneath his eyes..
those eyes still cannot hide the counterfeit emotions...

maybe its time to colour the sky purple
maybe yodel a new song
maybe write a new poem
the mind is always spinning new memories using the old yarn...

views

Some time back I didn’t think that terms like sexuality, feminity or masculinity needed any explanation let alone questioning.
That’s what most of us think even now. Notions of gender, sex, heterosexuality have become such integral parts of our psyche that we don’t even know where they came from???
This is a question that needs to be asked but instead we often assume the answer and that is society. As if we inherit these notions like some family treasure. Don’t we also need to question what society is?? For me it’s a hypothetical, nonexistent hypocritical man made entity. This definition might be wrong, right, it might change or might not but at least I have defined society in my own terms.
Similarly do we not need to give new definitions to terms like homosexuality because what we understand of it may NOT be our OWN UNDERSTANDING.
Language is the best medium for change. One example of this is the usage of the term HETERONORMATIVITY instead of heterosexuality. I got oriented with this term today in a lecture by Gautam Bhan and the people of Nigar Media.
How easy it is to define normalcy. How easy it is to believe in marriage because ‘what the hell! Everyone marries, my parents married and so will I ‘ But I’d like to ask that what is the relationship between love and marriage. Why does love need to culminate in marriage and if it doesn’t will it cease to be love…. NO. It will only cease to be legitimate love, which is another thing to debate upon. How funny it is when people get after your life if you are 22 and unmarried. But won’t care a damn if you are 22 and still not in love.
Maybe what we need now is a new language. Which has no rules and is different for every person. But which allows you to think and define things for yourself. Incase you don’t want to define then also it should be acceptable. We talk of modifying categories… I say lets not form categories at all!!

its all been done before

All maps have been colored in
no more cities to be discovered..

All faiths have been established
only followers... converts... sermonizers....atheists...agnostics remain
choose one and be happy.
How come there are no new religions, no new gods.

All streets have been walked on
no new journeys to make
I will always find inscriptions and signatures of people who have travelled before me
stating that I am just too late....
Someone will always get there before me.

Strings of thought

Words are convoluted, the meaning needs to be found...
memories have been thrown back at me
truth however,standing away from me in a lordly manner
no more entrapments..

Signs of survival
I can get through this
an aurora has been found..

Implication of life.. is life itself
realizations are fewer
accusations are easier
darkness has engulfed me once again

search for the aurora.....