Sometimes I just dont care.....

The play rehearsal, yestarday,was good.... i guess. I am on the production team ... there are two more people.... I have to actually play subhani... nice name! She has to carry stuff lying on the stage back into the wings during blackout. She is not dumb .. but she never speaks. What is important is that the group I am working with is the best in Delhi... I didnt know ... mom told me. My friends have not heard the name of the group ... so what ... what do they know about quality theare. We youngsters (I dont like this word) live in our own little world we no nothing. Learn from older people... like moms and dads .. they have experience... that's the key word .. experience.... I want to have my own experience. I am insignificant, but its a big group. "Its too big a thing to even get an entrance into the group... I would have gone even if they called me for prompting"she says. " you must give something to the group when you leave, so they remember you and call you back. "he says. " you have got a very big opurtunity at such an early age" they all say.
I have to be practical. I should not expect. What was I thinking they'll make me the head of production huh! I am tooooooo small..... small.....small....small. I will work hard. I ll do everything that will be given to me with sincerity. I'll clean up the dishes with a lot of conviction. I like the director she gave me the script to read. I am not being sarcastic.

Why am i writing all this. I have got enslaved to this blogging thing. I dont like it. I do like it.
You have to start from somewhere. So many people have started with "maaroing jhadoo" on stage so I should be happy that I am better off.

But I wonder how they felt when they couldn't reach anywhere. When the only next step for them was being promoted to the level of stage management. The terms may be many but the concept is still the same.
I have seen it and I have no fears stating it that people donot respect backstage workers.
especially in theatre.
Dont tell me shit like ... i am too young and haven't seen anything. I have seen enough and I can think.
But maybe thats not true. Maybe I am being judgemental.
Maybe today I don't care if I am right or wrong.....
I am sure ... this is the reality for some of those people who always work behind the curtains. Hesitant to come forward even during curtain call. But they don't forget to wish their actors all the luck before they step on to the stage. And they always have a silent smile on their face.

The play is over... I wrote this long back
but i dont know why I didnt publish it. I probably was afraid that someone might take it as an offence. Now i dont care.